Today, I’ll Be Talking About: Being Single…

Hey, long time, no? A thousand apologies for the absence. You know how it is, some things tend to get a higher priority than others. Well, I’m back, let’s get it cracking…

You may have noticed by the title of this post that the unavoidable topic of “relationships” will be put on today.

More of the fact that the southern hemisphere is officially going through winter. And you know what that means? It’s time to get out the blankets; whether it’s in polyester, electric or human form.

In other words: It’s hook up season. And the participants competing shall enter in droves. But, for every person willing to get in a relationship, no matter how casual it may be, there’s another who isn’t so eager.

I’m pretty sure that we’d like to think that there are plenty of reasons why people are single. Truth is there are ONLY TWO REASONS  why we are single.

1) We are single by choice and 2) we are single by circumstance.

Basically, women can generally be single by choice. Men don’t have that privilege; we’re only single by circumstance. What that means is that a woman can say: “I’m not emotionally ready to get into a relationship” and get away with it. But if a guy tries saying that, it’s code for: “I just got dumped!”.

For the purpose of purpose, let me break it down according to men and women.

Men being single

So, as a man, you have 3 basic (yet potentially difficult) purposes in life:

1) Serve your Creator
2) Make money, and
3) Get the girl/guy (You can pick 1)

2/3 as a fraction might seem like a lot, but according to the standards of life, that is a fail.

Therefore, any man that say he is OK with being single is either lying to himself or got castrated recently.

Yep, that’s about as clear cut as it can get.

Women being single

Let’s face it, ladies. You can get a guy practically by snapping your fingers. Try it, you could surprise yourself. But for that to work, a woman needs to have some degree of attractiveness.

Now, if she has 0 degrees, something has to compensate for her lack of good looks. An engaging personality doesn’t count. Sorry.

The above, my good reader, is the textbook description of a butterface (but-her-face). They could be in high demand for the next 3 months, who knows?

Furthermore, women have a VERY powerful weapon tucked in between the legs. If that can’t even get her any kind of contact, physical or emotional, with a man, she must just be strong and buy herself a bunch of cats.

In conclusion, I just hope that I didn’t put a lot of pressure on you to start dating. You don’t have to date for the sake of dating, but it wouldn’t hurt, right? But, whatever you do, DO NOT GET INTO THE FRIENDZONE!

What Do You People Know About Insomnia?

I’ll help you answer that: Nothing. Want me to repeat that? You people DO NOT KNOW shit about what it’s like to suffer from insomnia! I don’t know about you, but every time I log on to my Facebook or Twitter account at a certain time of the day—let’s say after 10pm—there just have to be some dumbasses posting about how they lost the ability to sleep and think that is enough to be “having insomnia”.

What most people don’t realise is that insomnia is a serious disorder; it can be a potentially life-threatening condition because it messes with a process needed to recover your body from…well, whatever your body was doing the whole day. It doesn’t require a specialist to tell you that sleep is one of the major activities that can prevent an early death. Coincidentally, Nas once said that “sleep is the cousin of death”, but this isn’t about metaphors, so let’s move on.

I really need to stop depending so much on Wikipedia for my posts, but it defines insomnia as:

…a general term describing difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. Insomnia can have many causes, including psychological stress, a poor sleep environment, an inconsistent sleep schedule, or excessive mental or physical stimulation in the hours before bedtime…

Seems pretty clear-cut, doesn’t it? Well, some people seem to think that because you can’t fall asleep within 20 minutes, its insomnia. No it’s not, that means you’re not tired. Go watch TV, read an encyclopaedia, crash the car and listen to your parents’ lecture, just do something that WILL make you sleep, damn it!

Another “symptom” is being unable to sleep at night because you slept during the day, therefore you have insomnia. Really?! Come on, people! How this defies public logic is beyond me, how do you expect to doze off at midday, wake up at 5pm and hope to asleep AGAIN by 10pm? That’s like drinking coffee then downing a cup of sugar because the coffee wasn’t sweet enough. Speaking of coffee…

You drank 16 cups of coffee and now you can’t sleep? Well, what in the fuck did you expect, genius? Caffeine is a stimulant that promotes somnolence. In other words, you drink it you’ll stay up. Matter of fact, you should take the coffee and— you know what, I don’t even know I’m going on about this, let me conclude this piece.

This is one of the things that annoy me the most about social networks, mostly the people in them, but it’s all the same. If you’re gonna post that you can’t sleep, go ahead. But if you’re gonna claim to be an insomniac after one night, keep it to yourself or prepare to be destroyed. Unless you got a ghost living with you, you ain’t saying shit!

I’m going to bed…

MORE INSOMNIA THEMED PICTURES FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT  ———-> HERE 

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF SOMALIA…OOPS, INSOMNIA —-> HERE

The Reason Why Women are Obsessed with Their Weight…

You can call this post a rant or you can call it a conspiracy theory. Call it what you will—I call it a “public lesson”. Especially to the women out there, because you’re about to get schooled now. By the end of this piece, you’ll be shocked, disgusted and–most of all–you WILL be enlightened. Err, on second thought, you’ll be entertained instead. Hope you’re reading carefully, ’cause I might never write this again.

Women, why art thou self-conscious about thine waistlines? Why are you worried about picking up weight from eating a bunch of grapes? Why do you always ask your boyfriends/husbands if you bum looks big in a pair of jeans?

These might seem like some useless questions to the average person, but is it really? Is the answer as simple as we make it out to be? Sometimes, it isn’t; but the real question that we need to ask ourselves is: Women, do you even know WHY you are self-conscious about your bodies? Hope that got you thinking. Now, the next few paragraphs might be a bit crazy, but please just go with it.

I believe women are indoctrinated into believing that their bodies will not be good enough until they’ll be able to fit in some size 0 jeans. And you guys are being brainwashed into that concept EVERY SINGLE DAY. You wake up in the morning, turn on the TV for the news, who do you see? The fine and fit weather girl and her ”warm fronts.” You check your e-mail before you even open your Inbox folder, what do you see? Pop-up ads with promises to make you lose weight instantly with pictures of *surprise, surprise* slim women. You buy yourself a magazine, you check out the features, what do you see once again? Articles on how to lose a ridiculous amount of weight with pictures of slender chicks wearing skimpy outfits to show off their slenderness (is that a word?) Like I said, this is a cycle that happens more regularly than you think.

It isn’t a secret that women love fashion. Women love to be in touch with latest fashion trends, no matter how short-lived or ridonkulous those trends may be. And every time there’s a fashion show happening, they’ll be out there trying to figure out who has the hottest outfits, who’s setting the new styles, who figured out that black is the new navy-blue and all that other crap. Now ask yourself another question: who are the people who make those designer outfits? Most of them are men. Nothing wrong so far, right? Now, what if I was to tell you that almost all of them male fashion designers are gay?

Confused? Good! Let me break it down.

Men like women. Women like fashion. For the sake of this argument, fashion is run by gay men. The gay fashion guys like the straight men, but unfortunately the feelings are not mutual. So, gay fashion guys call a meeting on how to attract the straight men. One of them says: “Let’s make the outfits so tiny that only the skinniest of the skinny can be able to fit in them. Once the women like them, they do whatever it takes to get so emaciated, the straight men will be so repulsed at the girls, they’ll run into our arms in no time!” Another says: “Besides, women HAVE to listen to us, we’re the one that set the trends.” And so, their mission to get their men begins.

And, now we have these self-conscious, “I feel so fat in this dress” tendencies to deal with. Women overdoing it in the treadmill, making us join in them in their low-taste diets, joining up fitness clubs with people they don’t even like and (eventually) going to therapy with their bathroom scales in a vice grip. All of this just to fit into a piece of dental floss fabric that costs as much as their car installments. And who is the victim out of all of this? The straight man. Yes, the anorexic girls can share some of the pity, but the straight man deserves most of the sympathy.

If you decided to skip the above paragraphs, here’s a quick summary: Women, stop losing so much weight or else you will lose us to the gay guys!

This has been another 19th Letter Public Schooling Announcement (well…not really)

Peace Is Bad For The Lungs…

You know, there is a saying that people use for—what the hip hop nation refer to as—squashing beef: that saying is “to smoke a peace pipe”. Even though the term might be having good intentions, it is a huge contradiction if I have ever heard of one.

Smoke a peace pipe, they said. It's good for you, they said. (via old-picture.com)

I mean, what would be the first thing that comes to mind when you think about “smoking pipes”? Drug addicts, am I right? You know what I’m talking about, those crackheads from around the corner waiting to rob you just so they can make enough money to shoot up another fix. And we all know how society feels about them; we believe rehabilitation won’t help them, so they must get the hell out of Mama’s Earth. Although rehab is a two-way street and the addict must accept that he/she needs help, but I digress. On occasion, we “do” the things that we hate in the first place. We can metaphorically smoke pipes, but baseheads can’t? That’s kind of a double standard.

I'm not trying to give you any ideas, all right?

Now, the oppressor’s language Afrikaans translation of a pipe is pyp. A pyp is slang for a gun.

Who died and declared that guns should become an agent of peace? Were any weapons used to sign off the peace deals in the Congo, Liberia, Myanmar, Libya or any other civil-war ravaged nations? How do we know that a gun was put to the coloniser’s heads when they declared independence to the colonised lands? Although, it isn’t guns that kill people, people kill people. But what do people use to kill others?

I was hoping not to bring up politics, but it’s inevitable, so I’ll try not to get deep into it. What I can say is this: I don’t believe in the concept of “world peace”. It doesn’t exist. There are way too many mitigating factors that will prevent it from happening. Some of them include:

• Religion
• Differing political ideologies
• The US-Israel connection
• The “caretaker” duties given to the United Nations
• Lack of compromise, and the most important
• Human greed

If anything, what we’re really aiming for is world civility. Basically, it’s the concept of “I don’t like you, but we can try work together for the sake of making the world an okay place to live in”. At least, that’s less ambitious than something that has been rehashed in the dreams of beauty pageant hopefuls.

 To end things off, it can be said that a different saying could be used for this rare commodity. This current one defeats the purpose by using negative connotations to describe a good quality. Until we find a new saying, I think I’ll quit peace because it’s bad for my lungs…

UPDATE: I just found out that in the last 3500 years, there were ONLY 230 years of peace.  230 is better than 0, so maybe peace does exist after all. But, let me leave you with one more thought…

Fun with Photoshop

Reblogged from On Windy Days:

Okay, so you may have already seen this one out there on the internet somewhere, but I just thought that I’d share this with you. Totally burst out laughing in the middle of class, not only because of the ridiculousness of the customers request, but the response that followed. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! You definitely have to read the e-mail responses between the two

Now that's some good Sunday morning humour, good one!

A Note On: Disney and Pornography…

NOTE: I realise this post could get flagged or reported and I’ll get a lot of weird search engine terms because of the “P-word”, but…ah, it’s fine, I’d like more page views anyway. (I’m on 1400 so far )

I might have mentioned before that I’m a bit late with this whole ‘reading books’ phase and one of the books that I got my hands on was Freakonomics. Man, that book definitely changes the way you think about anything and everything. Anything that you’d think are completely separate from each other might actually be connected with each other e.g. estate agents and pimps.

So, while I’m still on the Freakonomics train, I thought: “Hey, let me try this out. I don’t have statistics to work with, but we’ll see.” And, this post was born. While I was watching porn. Just kidding, I was watching Big Momma’s House. No, I really was.

That's true...but that apple was spiked with horse tranquilisers

 

Normally we would think that Disney movies and pornography have no business claiming to have some kind of relationship, right? No matter how sick or twisted that relationship might be, these two have a hand in moulding the way men and women think about relationships.

Let me break it down for you, first with the Disney movies.

Whenever you think of Disney movies you think of princesses and ice queens and woodland creatures that fart rainbows and such. But, the important theme of most of these movies revolves around the princess and—you guessed it— the Prince Charming. And WHO watches Disney flicks? Little girls. And little girls grow up to be women who try to live their lives according to what they saw when they were 5 years old.

Where's the Princess when you need her?

See, women will take YEARS trying to search for their own Prince Charming — a man who’ll be at their every call; a man who cooks and cleans and does whatever he can to make her happy. Basically, they want a man who’s whipped. Really whipped. I’d hate to break a few girls’ hearts, but…there’s no man who can get that whipped. Some girls think they can be heroes and date these bad boys hoping they can “work” them into a P.C. Sounds like a problem, doesn’t it?

Now, on to the porno: Ladies, your boyfriend/husband has probably been watching porn since he was 10 years old, so the guy has, at the minimum, 8 years of porn watching experience. And in between those years, he’s bound to have seen some of the nastiest, perverted material to ever be shown in the black box. But do you know what the WORST thing is? He might like it.

Even dogs know what I'm talking about

Because he likes some of those things he saw so much, he’d like to try it out himself—just to be able to say: “I did that”. One problem: porn movies are NOT REALISTIC. Just because you saw some flick where they did the nasty upside down while doing a one-handed handstand and playing the accordion DOESN’T mean you can do it too. You ever notice how many people end up in hospital for sex-related injuries? It’s because men are expecting their other half to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Sounds like another problem, doesn’t it?

Add a girl to that, we might have a brilliant movie in our hands: The One Man Band in Paris

 

Now, just by reading the title, I’m pretty sure you would have thought I was just trying to sexualise something that is deemed “innocent”, but that’s far from the truth. Besides, that’s Hollywood’s assignment. But like I said earlier, anything that you’d think are completely separate from each other might actually be connected with each other.

In this case, Disney and porno movies have given men and women VERY UNREALISTIC expectations when it comes to their relationships with the opposite sex…

Quote #0647: Price and Value

“Nowadays, people know the price of everything and the value of nothing” — Oscar Wilde, author

 

 I’ll admit, this is a quote I found while I happened to be on the best and worst time waster of the Internets – 9gag.com. But it doesn’t mean that because I perused this on a site filled with useless memes and such, it doesn’t make said quote any less profound.

 

Learn more about memes ———> here

Oscar Wilde must have had some buckwild Nostradamus type of séance with his lover boy when he came up with that quotable; even though the guy died over 100 years ago, it still rings true, sadly enough.

Society is funny, though. You’d be expecting a spike in morals and values and all that other good stuff, but instead…well, turn on your TV and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

Truth be told, I really don’t know how I could actually add on to this passage of wisdom, so this is the end of the post. But here’s the quote again, so you can try and drown in the sea of its profoundness.

Nowadays, people know the price of everything and the value of nothing…